That fucking socialist is killing us...

The Dow Jones Industrial Average soared an impressive 11.25 percent in the first three months of the year to log its best first-quarter performance since 1998. Interestingly, the blue-chip index has never finished a year in negative territory when the first quarter is up at least 8 percent. ...The S&P 500 surged 10.03 percent, while the Nasdaq jumped 8.21 percent for the quarter, logging their fifth-straight monthly gains.

Oh, the humanity... Be sure to get your survival supplies.